everything will be okay

Somehow, I know everything will be okay…

On Christmas, I was robbed, while I giving food hampers to homeless people. (story for another day) but later that evening I had to drive to Pretoria and back to Randburg. On the drive back on the freeway, it started raining. actually no, the heavens burst and it was a storm.
I remember being very afraid, worried that I could hardly see anything, worried about other cars smashing into me, worried about all the things that COULD happen and feeling so out of control and at the mercy of the universe. Then, somehow this relief came over me. I don’t know how it happened. In the middle of my frantic prayer and panic i suddenly became calm. (Mind you, I’m having a bit of a crisis of faith, so I guess God or whatever was trying to tell me something)
Anyway this calm gave me clarity. Not just to see the road, but also myself. It was as though I was yanked out myself and I got out of my own way. I was seeing the storm as a cleansing. The harder it beat down on my car and the slower I had to drive I imagined that my being, my universe were being cleansed of the worry, the panic, the constant need to know what will happen, the drama of my life, the pain I seemed to live with.
The second and most important part of that drive was how I gave myself a kind of analogy – You know how when you’re driving on the highway in rain, when you pass under the bridges, this silence happens because you are sheltered momentarily from the downpour by this huge structure. I saw that as life…
Sometimes it feels like the world is just so heavy and seems to be on a mission to break or bend you – then these moments of silence happen. Sometimes we pay attention to them, sometimes we don’t, but they happen nonetheless. In those moments we are offered a kind reprise from what we deem bad. We are offered a certain solace to see, to feel, to breathe. Those bridges made me realise that even though the storm may not have passed. there are moments of this silence that help us be grateful for everything.
Then finally, with me showing gratitude I started to see the storm not as a terrible thing, but a refresh. I started to see that I was allowing this scary thing help me be stronger. I’m not saying that everything is perfect, I am saying that even though it may seem like shit is hitting the fan – use the opportunity to fortify yourself and know that you are strong and that you can make it. Sometimes life gets so damn tragic it’s hard to see clearly, but teach yourself to feel hope, to see the positive and not live out of fear.
Life happens. No need to give up…

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