Hello

 

I haven’t written a single thing on this pretty space in over a year and wow so much has happened. I had a whispery dream that I should come back here and use this space as a place of reflection, to not only get thoughts out of my mind but also to be more deliberate about what I say to myself and how I am thinking. I am a big believer in documenting ones life in any way possible.

 

I yet do not have an idea of what I want my blog to look and sound like, so fo now I’m just going to reflect until it becomes clearer and I understand my voice, the boundaries of how I want to share and to find out for myself if I really find blogging useful for my time and well being. Inking the screen, as and when it feels right is the plan

 

The other morning I thought about the things, mainly material, that I may take for granted and a small realization that by sweeping under the carpet the importance of these things actually blocks me from appreciating how I spend my time and money and as such, by not expressing gratitude, I’ve closed off the possibility of receiving or even recognizing what I receive.

 

I’m 32 in two months and I’m not sure where I stand with myself. Do I want more? More of what? Do I want less? Less of what? What do I want this year to mean? These questions have no answers because I haven’t yet taken stock of what I do have. I haven’t yet taken a moment to understand what I do want but I do know what I don’t want.

 

I know I never want to feel taken for granted, I never want to be uncertain in any sphere of my life, I don’t want to be around anything that causes me anxiety or makes me suspicious of good intent, I don’t want to miss anything in my life because of worry, I don’t want to feel caged, I don’t want to feel heavy and weighed down. I don’t want to feel out of control.

 

I’m happy about being able to have the material things that I have in my life – I worked hard for them and I want to tell myself not to brush that off as if it is nothing. I worked hard, spent time and energy to make my life comfortable and lubricated my access to choice and freedom. This is important. I am not one who is materially focused, and I had been taking lightly the freedom and choice (nice) things affords me and how time is gained because of comfort. I am able to give myself time and space to imagine, for instance, because I have food in my stomach. What’s nice on top of that is that there is electricity in my home, crockery and cutlery, and so on and so forth. It seems like it’s nothing, but it isn’t. Yes, I want new pots and pans because mine are old, ugly and not as great at giving me the peace of mind when cooking with quality, but that takes nothing away from the fact that I do have what I have and can manage until I can get the prettier I want.

 

The other day I was standing in the parking lot of studio where I was with my team recording audio for one of my clients and I leaned on my dirty car and smiled. I remember the drama involved in getting this car and how I laugh about it now – I’d been driving my 1994 Honda Ballade for many years and she (Bokomo) died while we were on our way to work. I got this new nameless car within days and that’s a story I like to tell, but on that day, I realized I really really like my car. It’s a cute Kia Rio hatchback that I genuinely enjoy driving. We’ve been on short trips together with friends and alone, long trips with my boyfriend and alone, and I always feel good in my car. I love her and she offers me so much comfort and freedom. I did that. I did that for myself and that is important. Just because a car seems like a “small thing” to many people, and possibly not to many others, I appreciate that I have my nameless baby. I have her and I enjoy her and I am allowed to appreciate this.

 

Hmmm, so what else can I say I appreciate – there is so much. I think I’ll focus on one thing with every post. This feels good, although I’ll probably have a little voice in the back of my head asking “what shit is this though miss Akona?” which I will ignore.

 

I may not know everything, I do know I need to stop being so hard on myself. One day at a time.

 

Hello again, see you soon.

Mpumalanga, Dec 2016


Over the weekend I got my very first style cut / fade since childhood. As a kid, we’d walk into the salon with my mom and the only words she’d say were “German Cut”. This happened far too often and I felt like the cut made me look like a boy. After age 8, it never happened again.

So, remember a few months ago we (me, myself and the royal I) went from gorgeous twist braids to completely bald? Yup.

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My hair has been growing steadily and healthily but I have been getting bored. My only other option, which had been my staple for around 8 years, was a chiskop. This did not excite me as much as it used to for some reason.
So I dared myself to try something new!

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It took a lot of self convincing because I really did not know how it would turn out. I sat in the barber’s chair, asked him for a “fade”, closed my eyes and prayed to Beysus for FIERCENESS to happen.
For the duration of the styling / fading / parting I did not open my eyes.

I’m really happy with the style. Think this will be my look for a few months.

Now to get some red lips…


Happy New Year!

Source: Lineo

Source: Lineo

Before I start, thank you for coming back (or coming by)

I haven’t been this excited about a year as I have been about 2015 – and true to form, I kind of only got into the spirit of the New Year at little late. So hello 2015

I don’t have any grand life changing plans nor do I have serious resolutions with a goal in mind, instead I want to make small lifestyle and mind set changes and see what I open myself to. I believe in the saying, and to quote Picasso, “inspiration comes, but it must find you working” as a mantra.

Here are the little big things & the steps I’m putting together to stick to them – which is essentially to reward myself for doing them:

  • To drink more water – I live for a good cuppa, so for every cup of coffee I have, I follow it with 500ml of water. That gets me to about 2litres a day. That’s a good thing, right?
  • To cook more – living alone is glorious, but, when it comes to meal times it just seems so tedious to cook for one! I’ve often substituted cooking with take-out, eating out, nibbling on junk and sometimes just wine (grapes are a food group mos). So I’ve been looking at recipes online for 30 minute meals and I then treat myself with a glass of wine only if I have cooked. I also want to learn about juicing – Instagram makes it look like fun.
  • To be more present – I’m very much a head in the clouds kind of person, floating along and most of the time, day dreaming, wishing for something else, focusing on the next thing and not ever really the right now. To overcome this, I plan to write a page a day in my personal journal. I do this in the morning over a great cup of coffee before I even shower and get ready for work and the day. No coffee if I don’t write. There’s an accountability and honesty to documenting feelings, thoughts, plans and hopes that allows me to be more present
  • To be more positive – I am generally positive, but I want to be more deliberate about positive outlook because I know that it opens the heart and mind up to see clearly. The positivity will be achieved by listing three things I am grateful for in my evening meditation. I’ve come to dedicate 20 minutes of meditation in the evenings and this time is so precious for my well-being that I just can’t do without. Being still, aware, within myself and reflective.
  • To open up my mind and being – I want to read more, and not just fiction as usual but to learn more about myself and my history, roots, blackness, being African, being Xhosa and understanding how I fit into the universe, how everything is connected. I gift myself two books a month and have them wrapped, and I don’t unwrap my self-gift until I have completed a book. The excitement to unwrap a present will always stay with me from childhood and what makes is it even better is that I never know which book is next.

Finally, I will laugh more; though I do that plenty, I figure there’s never enough laughter in the world

See, small but important things and all easily achievable with just a matter of willingness. The rest of my path will fall into place at its right time. For now, I will be more aware of myself and fortify the being and the soul. Being ready for whatever may come –  including to learn not to fear my own greatness, learning to believe I deserve the best and that if I want something, I don’t have the space to make excuses about why I won’t or can’t get it.

Wish me luck

Are you also ready to be more amazing?


Hello friend

Please will you listen to this song. I’ve had it on repeat for a month now.

I don’t usually research artists or the story behind their expression. I like to just like to allow their craft to speak and resonate, but I’ve been going through a bit of an existential transformation that wants me to try and see the story as I would like my story, one day, to be seen.

Found this “making of” video and fell in love even more. Mali Music has been moving my life everyday on my drives to where ever and I finally succumbed to a video that might give me more context.

I know I should be looking at more, but I’m just stuck on his beard and his sweet face talking about his passion… I get weak for bearded men. I get weak for people excited by their craft. I get so much life from people who aren’t afraid to be.

 




Bought Lianne La Havas‘ last year  and for a few months I was stuck on this song.

No room for doubt featuring Willy Mason

Everything about this song is perfect. The melancholy of her voice, his haunting and assuring voice, the poetry of the instruments.

I don’t know Willy Mason’s music more than in this song so it is incredibly exciting that he will be performing at Oppikoppi later this year. I want to know nothing about him until then so I can just experience his music live and then decide. I’m weird like that

Enjoy

 



This morning read something about Dove creating a Beauty Patch to help women feel more beautiful

I was skeptical and properly rolled my eyes.

I watched a video showing the journey of women feeling more beautiful. At first I was annoyed with the idea that confidence was just a patch. I wondered what chemicals these women were putting into / onto their body. I was practically screaming at my computer screen “you have to love yourself, all of you, as you are, and you have to work at it”.

I felt a little cheated watching these women take the short cut on a road I’ve been struggling with recently – not feeling beautiful. I don’t think it matters if someone else thinks I am, it’s about me believing and feeling my best, and for a little while my mojo was gone. She’s coming back though.

No short cuts, but I realised that any helping hand, big or small, to believe in yourself goes a long way, so I’m not mad at Dove for continuing to be that helping hand – no matter how strange it is

Watch the Dove Beauty Patch journey. And remember to smile. (They say smiling even if you don’t feel like it tricks the brain to think all is well and stop fretting over the little things)