The dating scene is a scary, funny, shocking, enjoyable and beautiful place. We've all got horror stories as well as straight outta the movies scenarios.
I want to meet, engage, enjoy and be with someone, someday.
I won't lie, it's tough out here, but it is also thoroughly entertaining.
Annoyingly though, I've meet duds, duds who think 'hello' is an invitation to lick their lips LL Cool J style while trying to feel me up. The groping and calling me 'shorty' or 'baby' like my mama forgot to name me is a story for another time.

So let's say that we pass all the silly and shocking and funny stuff and one does actually get and keep my attention and we move on to exchanging phone numbers. Sometimes at this point, everything comes crumbling down, but we live in hope.
It seems, some men have no etiquette.
Here I'd like to address remote / cellular contact.

Once boy has this girl's number he has to be mindful of the following:

1. You cannot initiate contact via text / mms / or worse, whatsapp. This is a no no. We already live in a world where we talk through our fingertips and mouse clicking most of the time, so much so that we seem to have forgotten how to communicate through speech with body language, pregnant pauses, voice pitch and a little smile in the sound of our words. Ah, there is little more beautiful than human interaction, with flutters of excitement and word dances that spark the air. So now when you choose to make first contact by text, I immediately assume you are lazy or don't hold yourself or me in very high regard. Or that you don't think you are interesting enough to hold a conversation that doesn't give you the safety of editing your thoughts with a few minutes to figure out each and every response. Get that instant gratification of hearing my voice. Go on. Show interest.

2. You just cannot contact me after dark or before sunrise. I don't know if I need to explain this, because it seems very obvious. I will anyway. If you call me at 5am, I assume you're drunk dialling, and I doubt we're at that level yet. It's so rude. You're basically telling me you think of me when you're intoxicated, out of your mind or have no self confidence and have to wait for your inhibitions to take a hike. If you call me at 7pm asking for my physical time that night, I assume I'm option 3. Surely if you wanted to see me you'd know that mid morning / early afternoon. It may also mean you think I have nothing to do but wait for you. No no. If you contact me at 10pm, I assume you think I'm a booty call. In that case, apologies, we have our signals crossed.

3. From the point of saying 'I'll call' to the moment of the call, you have 48hours. Anything after that, I assume there's no interest, or confidence, or that I'm not top of mind. Ship has sailed.

4. I'm personally not a fan of chit-chat and small talk. Messages, calls, etc should have a point. Yes, it's cute and acceptable to contact to just say you're thinking about me or tell me about your day, but, there really should be a general direction. Nothing more annoying than a message that just says 'hi'. I'm already bored. Or you call and have nothing to say. Really. I paused what I was doing to listen to you breathe through the phone? No thanks.

5. I really don't think our first conversation should be about your ex, or what is so wrong with certain women. You can't woman bash and expect me to emancipate myself from the vagina crew to impress you. Your ex is really none of my business, especially in our initial conversation and your vitriolic judgment of other women isn't going to go well in the seduction dance. We also aren't going to bond over someone you still have feelings for, whether those feeling are good or bad.

6. No, I won't be sending you a picture of myself. Not my face, not my hand, hips, feet, breasts… You get the drift. Don't ask. You won't get. This is a sure way to get yourself erased.

Finally, and most importantly;
7. Do not, under any circumstances, contact me should you be involved with another being. That's not nice. Be single AND available, otherwise we're wasting precious time.

For now. That's it. What'd did I miss?


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